A longtime Church employee who taught religious studies at Mater Dei High School for 21 years, Carol Koppenheffer was devastated when her husband left her 10 years ago.
ST. HELEN, PATRON OF DIVORCED PEOPLE AND DIFFICULT MARRIAGES. COURTESY OF SHUTTERSTOCK
“Going from being a ‘we’ couple to a ‘me’ single was very hard,” she said. “I didn’t know where I fit in anymore.”
Catholics who have experienced divorce or marital separation say they not only feel abandoned by their spouse, but often feel abandoned by the Church.
They might ask themselves: Why doesn’t the Church do more for us?
“Remain in My Love,” a one-day conference in May at the Christ Cathedral Cultural Center, is designed to address this need.
“We’re certainly overdue,” said Linda Ji, director of the Diocese’s Office of Family Life. The last time a Diocese conference of this type was held was in 2017, the year before Ji became director of the office.
What’s more, the COVID-19 pandemic put a lot of parish-level marriage ministry and support groups on ice, and few have restarted, Ji said.
“We know the need is there,” Ji said of “Remain in My Love,” which will be held from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. on May 4. “Because the family is the basic building block of the Church and society, we need to be able to not only serve our families but empower them,” Ji added.
FINDING SUPPORT
Koppenheffer felt very alone after her divorce, which was finalized in 2016. She received her annulment in November 2023. What she calls a “game changer” that got her through the trauma was the support group Beginning Experience, which provides weekends for widowed, divorced and separated Catholics with follow-up sessions and social activities.
Koppenheffer, a parishioner at St. Joseph in Placentia, now is president of Beginning Experience of Orange County.
“It was a game-changer for me,” she said.
The support group also greatly helped Ingrid Murrle, a parishioner at St. Hedwig in Los Alamitos. Murrle joined Beginning Experience in 2019 and now assists with coordinating weekend retreats.
“My journey continues, but I don’t feel alone,” said Murrle, a single mother with a teenage daughter who will be a breakout speaker at “Remain in My Love.”
A mental health specialist at the Children’s Institute in Long Beach, Murrle’s breakout session will focus on single parenting and supporting children through divorce and separation.
Both Murrle and Koppenheffer served on the planning committee for “Remain in My Love.”
CANONICAL QUESTIONS
Fr. Viet Peter Ho, pastor of St. Polycarp on Stanton, will be a panelist at the event.
As a canon lawyer and a marriage tribunal judge, Fr. Peter, who has served in the Diocese’s Marriage Tribunal/Office of Canonical Services since 2008, will discuss canonical inquiries regarding marriage nullity and anything related to it.
“I wish to bring a message of hope to the attendees that a canonical process is not just a legal approach and that it also involves a pastoral approach that brings healing and hope to those who suffer from a broken marriage — that the Church is a ‘mother’ or an instrument of God’s mercy and forgiveness,” he said.
CONFERENCE DETAILS
“Remain in My Love” takes its name from John 15:9-17 (“I have loved you just as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.”), which is the Gospel reading on May 4-5.
The cost of the conference, which includes lunch, is $40 per person. The day will include the panel on such canonical matters as whether a divorced Catholic can receive Communion, breakout sessions and keynote speaker Joe Sikorra, a marriage and family
therapist who will discuss grief and self-care.
Attendees will be invited to attend a vigil Mass at 4:30 to conclude the day.
MAKING CONNECTIONS
“Knowing that divorced or separated Catholics can remain in Christ’s love amidst a very difficult situation is the goal of the conference,” said Ji, whose office supports marriage and family formation (including natural family planning, adoption and foster care, and family spirituality and faith) and pastoral care for the divorced, separated and widowed, as well as individuals and families suffering from mental illness and those experiencing grief and bereavement.
A big part of what Ji’s office does is support parishes in various ministries.
“I love to connect people with what or who they need,” Ji said. “A lot of what we do is help people build relationships.”
Helping to make the conference possible was a grant last year from the Catholic Marriage Initiative.
Ji said she hopes to attract about 100 attendees to the event – some from surrounding counties.
“I hope people who attend this conference come away from it feeling encouraged and having hope,” Ji said, “and that they experience healing or have hope for healing and know they’re supported, and the Church is here for them and they’re not alone.”
For more information visit rcbo.org/familylife or call (714) 282-3117.