WITH VALENTINE’S DAY chocolates and flowers now firmly in the rearview mirror (or lingering on the hips), many couples shift their focus from each other back to kids, careers, taxes and the demands of everyday life. The question is, how do you keep the romance and sweetness in marriage alive all year long?
Linda Ji, director of the diocese’s Office for Family Life, has a few suggestions to help tug at the heartstrings, even amid the chaos of everyday family life.
“Catholic couples can nourish their marriage and keep Jesus at the center all year long,” said Ji. “While Valentine’s Day has become so secularized that its spiritual importance has faded, the many saints’ feast days throughout the year offer opportunities to revisit our marriage in the context of our faith.”
LYDIA KRAY, ALONG WITH HER HUSBAND DAN, CONSULT TO BOTH THE DIOCESE OF ORANGE AND THE DIOCESE OF SAN BERNARDINO THROUGH THEIR BUSINESS, MARRIAGE CARE FOR LIFE. PHOTO COURTESY OF LYDIA KRAY
Each month, the Church honors saints whose lives and patronage reflect every aspect of human experience. Many are patrons of marriage, wives, husbands or families. Using a “saint of the day” or “Catholic patron saints” website can help a couple choose their personal “saint of the month”— someone whose life, example and patronage mirror the current joys or challenges within a marriage. A good place to start is the Catholic Apostolate Center’s feast day calendar. Couples can create a personalized calendar marking meaningful feast days and use it to plan fun, romantic or spiritual activities tailored to their situation.
MISSION SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO’S SWALLOWS DAY FESTIVAL 2024 FEATURED A “ST. JOSEPH’S TABLE,” A DISPLAY OF SPECIAL FOODS AND DELICACIES SERVED ON ST. JOSEPH’S DAY. PHOTO BY EVERETT JOHNSON/ DIOCESE OF ORANGE
A great place to begin is March 19, the Feast of St. Joseph. Next to his spouse, Mary, he is the greatest of all saints and the patron of marriage, families and husbands. He is also the patron of the universal Church. In Orange County, we have a unique opportunity to celebrate his legacy at Mission San Juan Capistrano’s Swallows Day Festival.
In addition to its many activities, the Mission showcases an Italian tradition known as the “St. Joseph’s Table,” a feast of special foods and delicacies served on St. Joseph’s Day. This can be a wonderful spot for couples on a date: touring the Mission, visiting the basilica and sharing a special dinner together.
Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin, the parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, were the first married couple to be canonized together. Their feast day is July 12, and their legacy is a powerful witness to holiness in ordinary marriage. A couple might celebrate their feast day by praying in thanksgiving for their children, writing a joint letter to each child or simply planning an evening at home focused on being fully present as a family.
Prayer, as in so many things, is the key element.
Lydia Kray, with her husband Dan, consult through their business, Marriage Care for Life, to both the Diocese of Orange and the Diocese of San Bernardino, believes it’s the only way to keep a sacramental marriage alive.
“In the course of our 38-year marriage, we have faced struggles, some of them serious, but it wasn’t until we understood that praying together daily is where healing happens, and where the Lord grows in both of us and binds us together,” she said. “Our egos must step aside; that’s where the power lies. It is very intimate to listen to each other’s prayers, to our deepest longings.”
Having a spiritual bond through prayer is the glue that can hold a marriage together through the ups and downs and heal the brokenhearted. Kray uses the acronym PEA—Pride, Ego and Arrogance—to describe the attitudes at the heart of most marriage problems. The remedy is patience, kindness and gentleness. While family prayer is very important, regular private prayer shared just between a couple can be one of the most intimate habits they develop. The Krays now pray together in the morning and evening.
“I can’t put a finger on the moment I realized that our marriage had become more peaceful—we really enjoy each other, we are more patient together,” she shared. “Before, we were spiritually separated, but God showed us how to be together in spirit, and it has made all the difference.”
To begin a personal couples’ annual calendar, choose saints’ feast days that resonate with you and reflect where your marriage is in this stage of life. Putting this list together is a first step in opening communication between spouses. Some suggestions include St. Monica, whose feast day is Aug. 27. Her prayers helped convert her wayward son, St. Augustine, whose feast day is the next day, Aug. 28. She also succeeded in converting her pagan husband.
Oct. 7 is the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. This could be a day when the couple prays the Rosary together at a location that is especially meaningful to them.
The substance of each commemoration can be elaborate or simple, but it should always be meaningful.
By doing these things together as a couple, by the time next Valentine’s Day rolls around, your marriage can be on a whole new level—just don’t forget the chocolates and roses.