Forgiveness is an engagement in a real spiritual battle that we cannot win with our own strength. When we are wronged, something deep within us demands justice and satisfaction. We want our wound acknowledged and the truth of our experience to be seen. Our desire to be understood in our suffering reveals our expectation that our dignity deserves respect. However, the struggle begins when we seek retribution or choose to sink into our pain by reliving the hurtful memory.
This spiritual battle shifts when we are the ones who have caused the hurt, and forgiveness becomes even more complicated. Pride can keep us from seeking reconciliation, making it difficult to admit the truth of what we have done. Shame can trap us in a perpetual cycle of self‑condemnation and convince us that we are not worthy of the free gift of mercy.
Perhaps the most difficult of all is forgiving ourselves. Satan will move into our pain and encourage us to let our misery and resentment define us. If we allow these lies to take root in our lives, we will live out of our woundedness instead of the freedom Jesus offers us.
In our human experience, forgiveness does not come naturally. It goes against our tendency to demand payment for our loss. However, forgiveness is not simply a moral standard but a command from God. The good news is that God’s commands are for our good and He never commands us to do anything without providing the necessary grace. In fact, forgiveness is impossible without God’s grace and is a supernatural act.
In her diary, Divine Mercy in My Soul, St. Faustina Kowalska, said, “We resemble God most when we forgive our neighbors.” (Diary, 1148). Left to ourselves, we contemplate our wounds instead of the wounds of Jesus that proclaim God’s forgiveness. Without God’s grace, we slip out of reality and replay offenses instead of seeking the presence of God, who sustains our very existence and wills only our good. If we don’t relate our woundedness to the Heart of Jesus, bitterness will take root in our own hearts.
Forgiveness is necessary for our wholeness and healing. If we withhold our forgiveness from others or from ourselves, we hurt ourselves even more and close ourselves off from the communion we are called to participate in on this side of Heaven. Forgiveness is possible because of God’s love for us. Jesus taught us to forgive by forgiving us first. “But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8) None of us deserves His forgiveness, and even now, we continue to take His love for granted or reject Him outright when we choose sin over receiving from Him.
This Lent, as we contemplate the Cross of Christ, the sign of God’s mercy, let us seek to receive the forgiveness we struggle to give to others or ourselves. Only at the Cross of Christ will we receive His gaze that enlightens our conscience and convicts us to seek reconciliation. Go to your local parish’s penance service or make an appointment with a priest for confession and seek to truly receive the gift of reconciliation with God and thereby His strength to forgive others. God’s forgiveness heals us and restores our identity as His beloved children. When we cooperate with God’s grace and choose to forgive others, even if they refuse to receive our reconciliation, we are united with Jesus who prayed from the Cross, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” (Lk. 23:34)