Faith & Life

BETTER TOGETHER

THE GIFT OF TIME

By REBEKAH VALDERRAMA     2/4/2025

LIKE THE REST OF you, I’m a busy person. I have writing deadlines, homeschool lessons to prepare and never-ending household projects to fill my days and nights.

When things slow down for a minute, I often want nothing more than some quiet time with an audiobook and a needlework project, while my husband spends his own brief moments on the other side of the house with a video game or painting models.

Self-care is important, but sometimes it comes at the expense of time we should be spending together.

At the end of the night, I never regret the evenings that we spend doing things together instead of apart. Hobbies, conversation, even just enjoying a movie is better together than apart. We both come out of our times together filled far more emotionally and spiritually than if we were left to our own solitary “self care.”

But when I’m run ragged, the temptation is to take the easy way and focus only on myself. It takes effort to choose to actively love my spouse with the gift of my time. I have to remind myself that it’s not giving away my “me” time, but sharing “us” time, making it twice as healing. So how can we dedicate ourselves to more and better-quality time with our spouses?

First, pray together daily. My husband and I take a few minutes to sit down together right after we’ve put our four young children to bed. We briefly share things on our minds and ask for prayers for specific intentions. Then we take turns praying for each other. It only takes a few minutes, but our evening off starts on the right foot. I find that the seasons of life when we’ve let this habit lapse have been more trying on our relationship. It’s such a simple practice, but it yields such great benefits.

It also gives us the opportunity to share our goals. Early in our marriage, we weren’t good about this, leading to frustration when one person’s goals were at odds with another’s. For example, maybe he would have plans to spend his weekend trimming a tree outside the office window, while my plan was to record a video in that office, requiring no background noise.

Discussing our goals and intentions and deadlines allows us to help each other achieve those goals. One time, my husband needed some space and quiet to work on a project, so I turned my plans to run errands into an outing to the mall with the kids, leaving the house empty for him all afternoon. Another time, he modified his plans so I could go to the library and get some writing done.

Another way to build stronger a relationship is to prioritize your spouse’s goals and frustrations. Maybe taking on a few of their chores when they’re feeling overwhelmed. If you never have time for your husband because of all the laundry and dishes, then it’s time for your husband to do some laundry and dishes.

Finally, the hardest part at times choosing to love and honor your spouse with your time and attention. This is a daily choice to put aside your own desires and fight the force of habit.

We are called to radical love, desiring the good of those around us more than our own. It’s hard to see this when you’re exhausted, but in a healthy relationship, time invested into your spouse is time your spouse is investing back into you. In the end, you’re getting more peace and validation than you put in, if you trust that your spouse wants what’s best for you too.